Leaving

I've thought about my life a lot the past several weeks, deep rooted heavy thoughts.  What came out of all of that wrangling and hassle was something quite beautiful, something very simple and easy.  If my life ended right now, I would have a lived a full, happy, and blessed life.  It doesn't matter that I experienced hardships, sorrow, pain, disappointment, or whatever shred of negative energy you could throw my way.  I guess we all have that.  But, I experienced God, love, children, family, friendship, travel, success, and all of the other things that life had to offer.  Not sure if any of them mattered more than the other, just feel so blessed to even have a moment of it, to smile for a minute, to laugh for a minute, to cheer for a minute.  It was full, not sad.  It was complete, not unfinished.

I'm heading into some unknown territory health-wise, and being the logical person I am, I have taken as much precaution as possible, getting my things in order in case something catastrophic happens.  I am at peace knowing that everyone will be okay.  Now, the likelihood that anything at all will happen is extremely super-low, likely I'll be fine and live to see the next day, year, decade, etc.  But, just realizing there "could be" an end, makes you feel differently about things.

When my dad passed away nearly 16+ years ago, I was forever changed.  I didn't look at anything the same.  And I guess I may have forgotten that feeling as I've grown up since.  Something these last couple of months swayed me back into that mindset, to tell me to let go, and live life with passion and joy again, and not be held down by negative emotions or energy.  I'm glad I've rediscovered myself through this process, because what I found was the man I knew was always there, one with an open heart and soul, one that is a gift to others.

I am so happy now, and I have lots of people to thank.  My God, my family, my kids, my friends, and everyone else that has helped or touched me these past few years.  To be honest, I've been under a lot of stresses and things that were extremely difficult to cope with, things I didn't even have a clue how to work through.  But, now I'm at peace, happy with everything, just the way it is, no matter what it is, what state it's in, or it's intentions.  I'm at peace because I have been truly blessed to live my life, and I will continue to live it this way forever.