Ah, technology ... a two-edged sword

As an engineer, I'm at the forefront of the specification and design of many new products, designed to make our lives more convenient, more modern, and supposedly better quality.  And while there are many good things about technology that we have to be thankful for, I can't help but think this all comes at a huge cost.

Recently, I've experienced first hand the dangers of technology, social media, rapid and instant communication on my life.  So many bad things happen when people interpret what is written on texts, emails, or social media sites, so you have to be careful not only what you write today, but what you've written in the past.  Your words stand out to be seen, dissected, interpreted, and misinterpreted by so many people out there, it's so difficult to know what it "safe" to write.

In essence, we become accountable for everything we write ...over time, and that makes it very challenging.  I mean our actions stand on their own, and we're definitely responsible for them.  If you act illegally or immorally, then you'll pay the price for your actions surely.  But if you simply write some innocent comment, without any ill feelings or issues, you really need to be careful how those words are interpreted.  Because they can come back and bite you later on.

For me, I made some major changes to my social media exposure, and will be very careful in the future about exposing my thoughts out there, for fear of the retribution that can occur.  I don't blame technology for any of this, it's really on me for writing whatever I wrote, although I know my intention at the time wasn't meant to harm, hurt, or even influence anyone ... just written, that's all.  And to those who take such words with harshness, confusion, or misinterpretation, my prayers go out to you, that you can find peace knowing that those words were simple that ... words.  Not meant to hurt or harm, but just words.

May God Bless You All ... and I hope you take care and avoid some of the mishaps and pitfalls I've experienced with the technology that we've been blessed with, and use it solely for man's greater good.

Compassion

What a gift, to have someone as wise and as kind as the Dalai Lama to share his views on grand topics.  This is an excerpt from the book, "My Spiritual Journey" where the Dalai Lama shares his views on the meaning of life itself.

For me, in my own my search for happiness, I've found this to be so true.  The happiest times in my life involved deeply servicing and helping others.  And this continues to this day, as my new purpose and calling.

Enjoy!

Compassion, path to my happiness

A big question underlies our experience, whether or not we are aware of it: What is the meaning of life?  I have thought about this, and I would like to share my thoughts on this subject.

I believe that the aim of life is to be happy.  From birth, every human being aspires to happiness and does not want to suffer.  Social conditions, education, and ideology do not affect these tendencies of our deepest being.  That is why it is important to find out what will bring us the most happiness.

First, we divide happiness and suffering into two main categories, mental and physical.  But it is the mind that exercises the most influence over us.  Unless we are seriously ill or deprived of necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in life.  When the body is satisfied, we’re almost not aware of it.  The mind, on the other hand, registers the slightest event, no matter how minor it is.  So we must devote our effort to developing peace of mind.

According to my own experience, the highest level of inner calm comes from the development of love and compassion.  The more concerned we are with the happiness of others, the more we increase our own well-being.  Friendliness and warmth toward others relax mental tensions and help us to dissipate fears or insecurity so that we can overcome obstacles.  That is the ultimate source of success in life.

In this world, where we are bound to encounter difficulties, if we lose hope and become discouraged, we reduce our ability to face things.  What’s more, if we remember that everyone, not just ourselves, has to experience suffering, this realistic perspective reinforces our determination and our ability to overcome difficulty.  In fact, with this attitude, every new obstacle will be regarded as a good opportunity to improve our state of mind!

That is how we can gradually strive for more compassion- by cultivating both real sympathy when faced with suffering of others and a desire to help them free themselves of it.  In this way our own serenity and inner strength will increase.

--Dalai Lama, From the book “My Spiritual Journey”

It's okay to be, not okay to stay

I've been thinking quite a bit about life's issues and problems, the things we all face that cause us stress, anxiety, worry, and all kinds of negative emotions.  Of course, these things, left unchecked, have physiological effects on us, cause our bodies and minds harm, and generally are not good for us.

What's given me peace lately are some words I just happened upon.  I don't really know if I made this up myself, if I heard from some other person, or read it somewhere.  In the end, it doesn't matter, just take the meaning of the words, and what type of positive effect it can have, and make it work for you.

It's okay to be mad, but not okay to stay mad.
It's okay to be hurt, but not okay to stay hurt.
It's okay to be selfish, but not okay to stay selfish. 
It's okay to be jealous, but not okay to stay jealous.
It's okay to be unhappy, but not okay to stay unhappy.

You get the point?  On the opposite end, of course, I think it's perfectly fine to strive to always be calm, pain-free, giving, understanding, and happy.  There's nothing wrong with that.  But, I think the message for me is to accept the times in my life where I am imperfect, and therefore accept the times in my life when other people or events are imperfect.  Accept them for what they are, be okay with them.  But, then, get on with life's beauty and positive energy, and move forward toward something better.

To me, it's okay to have or experience negative energy, it's natural, it's going to happen.  I should welcome those times and events with open arms, greet them like an old friend, invite them in for nice meal and a warm drink and friendly conversation.  And accept them for their value, lesson, and effect on my life.  But, then when the time comes, say goodbye and wish them well, and make room for the million other visitors that bring positive energy to my life, and welcome them in exactly the same way.

My dear friend who may be reading this, I pray for you, that you may accept life's hardships, no matter how they come at you, and deal with them as God would, lovingly accept them, be at peace, and move forward to the best and brightest of life's many moments.  May God Bless you always.  :)

Giving for the sake of Giving

I was recently asked by a friend of mine to translate a very famous Buddhist poem and describe it's meaning.  Being quite a formidable challenge, my friend said I could expect quite a reward if I was indeed able to accurately translate and demonstrate a complete understanding of the poem. Of course, in my humility, I mentioned to my friend that I wouldn't expect any reward at all, but my curiosity was peaked, mostly because I wanted to understand why that poem was chosen, why it was a favorite of my friend, and it's deep and famous meaning.

Suffice it to say, with a bit of effort, I was able to find the information necessary to understand how to piece the information together to form a coherent theory.  And with a bit more work, craft an explanation describing the history behind the poem, as well as my interpretation of it.  My friend was quite impressed with the work, and mentioned again about the reward promised.  I answered that I would not ask for anything at all, because it would defeat the purpose of the poem itself, which discussed "Giving for the sake of Giving".  For me, examining my heart and soul, it felt like the right thing to do, simply to solve the challenge.  Give, if you will, a very humble answer, and then follow the true meaning of the message the challenge was trying to convey by having no expectation or reward for accomplishing the goal.

Even this very blog entry goes against the poem itself, because really I shouldn't be touting anything I've done.  But, on the other hand, I want my children and one-day, my grandchildren, to understand this because it meant a lot to me.  I know you will ask what the poem was, that's something I will keep to myself.  But suffice to say, it's one of the most beautiful poems I've ever happened upon.

I pray for you, my friend, who may be reading this.  That you may be blessed to have the opportunity to give simply for the sake of giving, not expecting anything in return, but purely for the act of giving itself, because it is the right thing to do.  May God Bless You Always.

Keeping Your Promise

My youngest daughter and I spent the better part of the afternoon together, just the two of us.  Of course, I promised her the day before it would just be me and her, and she was looking forward to it.  Her sisters both had parties to attend, so it was just the two of us, and a long weekend day, sunny and beautiful to spend it together.  I had been out late the night before, celebrating with friends, so I was a bit tired.  I had gotten up early on just a few hours of sleep, to run an exercise bootcamp I'm quite proud of.  So, suffice to say, come mid-afternoon, my energy levels were depleted and my promise of spending time with daughter now in the balance, I gave a hint of hesitation.

Needless to say, I saw my daughter's body language, slumped shoulders, sad face, energy sapped from her, tears starting to flow, and I asked her if she was okay.  And of course, she wasn't.  She wasn't bummed that we were may not go to the movies or get what she wanted, she was bummed because I promised her something, and I was hesitant.

I guess when you want something so bad, in this case, my daugther wanting to spend time with her daddy, when it's taken away, it hurts.  I understand that, and that's why I thought it over, gathered up my energy, and said, "You know what ... let's go!"  and it was the best decision I've made in a long while.

My friend who may be reading this ... for your own well being, try to keep your promises and hold true to your word.  We are all imperfect by nature, which is fine, but in realizing how our thoughts and actions can affect another person, we can strive to be more compassionate, and in turn, be better ourselves.

Solomon

If I ever have a son, his name will be "Solomon".  And here's why:

Kings 3:5-15

5 At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”

6 Solomon answered, “You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.

7 “Now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 

8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number.  

9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”

10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this.

11 So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice,  

12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.

13 Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.

14 And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.”

15 Then Solomon awoke—and he realized it had been a dream.

Losing Fat - The Workout

Okay, so we've established from the last post that "losing fat" is much more important (and difficult) than simply "losing weight," which could include muscle and water.

So the question begs, how can we tweak the example workout in the previous post to be more efficient?  It's actually quite simple.  Three steps:

1.) Reverse the order - weights first, cardio second
2.) Change the muscle groups - from small muscles to large muscles, and in the right order
3.) Do 12 reps, with the 12th rep being tough to complete

Let's go over these one-at-a-time.

1.) Reverse the order - weights first, cardio second.  Why?  Because it burns fat more efficiently.  In short, lifting weights first (with large muscle groups in the right order -- see #2 in a bit) will deplete your body's stored energy (glycogen) faster than cardio itself (unless it's high intensity interval training or HIIT style of cardio).  You need to do that in order to use fat as fuel.  So, if you lift weights first, your cardio afterwards will be to burn mostly fat.  Also, after you're done, your body will continue to burn calories due to EPOC (excess post oxygen consumption) because your muscles, worked via weights, need energy to recover.  The other way around simply burns less fat.

2.) Change the muscle groups.  Why?  In short, because larger muscles, exercised in the right order, will cause you to burn more energy (glycogen) and thus more calories, and get you into your fat tank faster.  Hips ab/adductors, arms, and core are all considered Type I small muscles, and they do not require a lot of energy to work.  Contrast this with your legs (quads, hamstrings, and glutes), chest, back (lats), and shoulders.  These are primarily Type II muscles, which produce a lot of force and power, but require a lot of energy.  Weight train in this order: Legs, Chest, Back, Shoulders (LCBS).  Largest muscles first, then separate your chest and shoulders with back, so it's a Push->Pull->Push workout, better balance, and more rest for your triceps, which work in most "Push" exercise.  LCBS, don't forget that order, it's important.

3.) Do 12 reps, with the 12th rep being tough to complete.  Most folks lift either way too light (gals) or way too heavy (guys).  Do 12 reps, this is in the "Endurance" range, best for weight loss.  Don't worry, gals, you won't get big and bulky (more on that in another post).  And guys, put your ego aside, have good form, lower your weight, go through a full range-of-motion, without swinging and using momentum, and get 12 good reps.  And do that for 3+ sets.

Here's a simple program you could complete in about 1 hour, do each for 3 sets of 12 reps, progressively adding weight until the 12th rep becomes tough to complete, resting 1 minute or less between sets.  Always error on the side of caution, rest as needed, especially if you are just starting out.

• Dynamic Warmup - (5 minutes)
• Legs - Squats (3x12)
• Chest - Bench (3x12)
• Back - Lat Pulldowns (3x12)
• Shoulders - Arnold Press with Dumbbells (3x12)
• Cardio - Elliptical or Treadmill, any pace (20 minutes)
• Cooldown/Stretch - (10 minutes)

If you follow these simple changes, your "fat-loss" workout will be more optimal.

Losing Fat

Nearly 5 months into my Personal Training studies, and I've learned so much about the human body, about nutrition, about the body's energy systems, about workouts, and about a lot of other details I'd have trouble listing down.  To be sure, it's been a worthwhile journey, something I will always look fondly on, and will be a part of me forever.  It's the foundation for a lifetime of continued learning, and I want to pursue this at the highest levels next, something I will gear up for and achieve.

Probably the single most important concept I've learned is how the body uses (and loses) fat most efficiently.  Most people want to lose weight, I think that's the observation I've made when seeing people with trainers in the gym, and people in the gym in general.

You look at the layout of a gym, and it's really geared towards people who want to lose weight.  About 50% or more of a gym is filled with cardio machines, space for spinning, yoga, zumba, or other cardio or fitness classes.  About 25% is filled with weight "machines" meant more for novices to weight training and such.  And about 25% or less is filled with free weights or more advanced weight training equipment.  Of course, that's generic, and just the gyms I've visited in the past few years.  You'll always have your exceptions, like Gold's Gym, which caters towards a different crowd, and has a different layout.  But, the popular gyms like 24, ClubOne, ClueSport, or Equinox typically have this type of breakdown, catering to their clientele.

Most people think that a scale determines your weight, and hence your overall fitness.  If the scale reads lower, then that's good.  If it reads higher, that's bad.  They measure their progress strictly by how many pounds are measured on their scale.  So, "losing weight" is simply "losing pounds", and for most folks, it doesn't matter where those pounds come from, just as long as the scale is lower.

Take, for example, a typical female who wants to lose weight.  Her routine is to static stretch, then jog/run on a treadmill for 30 minutes, then do some targeted resistance training, maybe some hip ad/abductor machines, some core work, and some arms.  She'll do zumba, dance, maybe squeeze in a spinning class, a yoga class, or a body pump class to mix it up.  She'll do this for years and probably be fit, have great cardio, lose a few pounds, and probably look and feel much better than she did when she started.  So, the question is, what's wrong with that?

Well, nothing's "wrong" with that at all.  That's great!  And it's much better than another person who didn't do anything for as many years.  But, the main issue is the efficiency at which she reached her goals, and what she actually "lost" in terms of weight in the process.

Let's rewind a bit and take some measurements of the female before she started her routine.  Let's say she initially weighed 5'2", 165 lbs,was 35 years old, and had 40% body fat.  Technically, her BMI (at 30.18) and her body fat percentage (>32%) would put her in the "Obese" Category.  A good goal for her could be a BMI of 24.9, which is a "normal" BMI.  This would be 135 lbs.  That's 30 lbs. lost ... 30 lbs of FAT!

Let me say that again, 30 lbs. of FAT!  At 165 lbs and 35% body fat, she would have 66 lbs. of fat.  If she lost 30 lbs. of FAT and maintained her lean body mass (the rest minus the fat), she would weigh 135 lbs and at 26.7% body fat.  That would be an amazing accomplishment, to lose 13.3% of her body fat. To do that safely, and with everything ideal, it would take between 15-30 weeks to lose those 30 lbs. of fat.

Now, contrast this to a case where you just talked about weight.  Lose 30 lbs. sure.  But if those 30 lbs. were 10 lbs of fat, 15 lbs. of muscle, and 5 lbs. of water, would that be the same thing?  Obviously not!  Losing muscle to lose weight is not good.  Losing water to lose weight is not good.  What matters most is the fat loss, losing the excess adipose tissue, which can be so detrimental to your health.

The next question is ... how do we tweak what the female did in terms of working out to maximize the efficiency of the fat burn?  Good question ... wait for the next blog entry and I'll share that with you.

Control

I'm not a control freak, far from it.  But, I had a talk recently with my long time mentor about control and it made me think a little differently about it.  It's easy enough to know right from wrong most times.  You don't do harm to others, you try to be honest, you try to do the right things.  And for the most part, we live our lives that way.  Of course, like anything in life, there's the exceptional cases, where life takes a turn, where you get swept up in helping others, pursuing your fancy, or simply spending time away from your core.  To put it bluntly, to lose a bit of control and focus.  It's when this becomes unbalanced, when it becomes apparent that you're spending too much time away from your core, that it becomes an issue.

So, then the question is, what causes this and how do I react to it?  To me, the cause is very simple, and has been consistent throughout my life.  My reaction, on the other hand, has been something very interesting for me to study and reflect on.  Sometimes, I feel like I don't have any control at all, I simply just react and after several hours of doing whatever, I shake my head an wonder why I spent all that time and energy there, again, away from my core.  I guess I'm a "nice guy", sometimes "too nice" and folks tend to take advantage of that.  That's fine, I'm not worried about that so much.  But, I do wonder about my time and energy, that it can spent more at my core.

My friend who may be reading this, I pray that you find peace in handling these types of situations, become aware of the imbalance that may occur, and react accordingly to bring you back to your core.  And you know what I mean by "core" ... what's most important in your life, whatever that is.

Lent 2012

This Lenten Season is upon us, a time to reflect and review, take inventory of life itself, it's meaning, and how to better it.  Last year during Mass the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, I bought a book called "Lenten Grace" which was put together by Catholic Nuns and Sisters to reflect on each day of Lent.  Each day, they review a passage in the Bible, then discuss it's meaning, then offer a prayer.  I think it's a great way to spend a few moments with God, to stop living so quickly, and reflect on many positive words of wisdom.

Whatever you're "giving up" for Lent, whatever your doing for Lent to honor God, know that there are many that share your journey.  I like to think of this time as something very beautiful and positive, not something restrictive or abstained at all.  To get closer to God, to me, is always what feels best.

I pray for you, my friend, that this Lenten Season and Journey brings you peace and happiness, and positive thoughts and energy.  May God Bless you this season and always, and may you find purpose and beauty in this time and experience.

The Double Helix

The Double Helix

I was asked recently about why I'm kind to other people, often to strangers.  I had to think about it for a while, it's not something that's readily apparent to me.  The engineer in me thought about the commonality that we all have as living beings, and that, biologically, structurally, and chemically at our core, we are essentially the same.  The sympathetic person in me remembered when a Buddhist monk once answered my question about the singular piece of advice he would give to someone regarding happiness.  Something like ... "See other people as having the same core as you, built of the same content, and be compassionate because of that."  It got me thinking that despite our outward differences, the things we can see, hear, and sense, that we are all similar, with similar needs, weaknesses, and longings.

DNA is essentially our core-building blocks as beings, we all know this.  We have a unique signature of infinite combinations of DNA that make us who we are.  The structure of DNA itself is quite remarkable, a double helix.  And when I look at it, I think I see the answer to the initial question of why I'm kind to other people, often to strangers, quite clearly.  I am but one side of the double helix, and any other human being I meet is the other.  Throughout life, our paths cross.  For some, we'll cross often.  For the vast majority of others, we'll cross once or if we're lucky, a few more times in the span of our lives.  So, if that's the case, if I'm only in contact with a like-minded, like-structured being for such a rare time, why not make it a moment of kindness and compassion?

My dear friend who may be happening upon this, challenge yourself to see the goodness in others, and the goodness within yourself.  Maybe finding commonality, instead of finding difference will give you a sense of peace and calm in your life.  Maybe the structure of the double-helix will exemplify life's journey and give you perspective.  And maybe you'll feel better and be better because of it.

I hope this finds you well, my friend.

The Silicon Valley Life

I visited a friend recently at one of the most successful Silicon Valley Companies of all time, and man, I was shocked to see the lifestyle and work life there.  No judgement, no good or bad, just my observations.  People asked me afterwards if I would like to work in an environment like that.  It's tough, I think, and depends a lot on where you are in life, how much you've lived, and your priorities.

Let's just say that life there was Utopian, to say the least.  Talk about the antithesis of George Orwell's "1984" or Fritz Lang's "Metropolis", this place was nuts.  Free cafeteria, snacks, drinks, juice bar ... all the food you could want and more, organic, gourmet, junk food, whatever you want.  Bicycles everywhere, just pick one up and ride.  Valet parking, not only for employees, but for everyone else.  Laundry service, child care, etc.  Outdoor sand volleyball courts, outdoor endless/infinity swimming pools, meditation rooms, etc.  And that was only what I caught or heard about in my brief stay there.

Now, why might you ask, would I NOT want to work there.  Well, for me and me alone, it boils down to something very specific.  It's simply not a realistic lifestyle, and doesn't promote a complete and healthy environment, in my honest opinion.  That may be strong and I apologize in advance for that, but that's my feeling.  If you rely so much on a free-flowing cafeteria for most of your nutrition, you're really saying that you're not going to go grocery shopping, go take the time to pick out the ingredients in your meals, go take the time to prepare them, and hence, those skills will eventually atrophy, like a muscle which hasn't been exercised or used.  And when you're playing volleyball and going swimming in between working crazy hours, all at work, then you don't have time to spend at home, with friends outside of work, with interests outside of work ... heck, just physically being outside of the boundaries of work.  That lifestyle imbalance is like carrying your backpack on your right side for 10 straight years, eventually you'll have a muscle imbalance, which could cause back pain or other complications.  So much time spent living, breathing, sleeping work costs something.  Like the left side of your body, which never bore the burden of the backpack for 10 years, it weakens due to negligence.

So, I think in my own little, humble world, with all of the things done for me by others and all of the things I do for my kids, etc., I keep wondering if I'm better suited to do things myself, learn more about them, and do likewise with my children, have them clean up, make their lunches, do their homework on their own and struggle, etc.  It's an interesting question, because we all can do a little more to work on the "muscles" in our bodies and in our lives that have atrophied over the past many years due to neglect.  I think we'd be stronger as a result.

Learning

It's been about 2 months (hard to believe) into my 6 month personal training journey, and man, it's been one of the most enlightening experiences of my life.  Talk about on-the-job, on-the-spot, on-the-fly learning.  I'm applying things I learn instantaneously to prospective clients, and folks I'm currently working with, and of course, to my own body and mind.

I've been working out for the past 30+ years, and I'm telling you, for the most part, I was doing everything wrong, backwards, inefficiently, without any scientific backing, without any fundamental knowledge.  Certainly, like any other field, things progress quickly, theories change and such.  And the state-of-the-art certainly is dynamic, especially with all of the advances in science and technology, research and development.

My teacher, who I tend to bother a lot just because of my undying thirst for knowledge, mentioned the following to me:

"Listen to my words of wisdom, and you'll never plateau..."

That stuck to me, because as I mentioned, in 30+ years of working out, I think I hit every plateau (both good and bad mind you) that an athlete (or wanna-be athlete) could hit.

I'm so grateful for this opportunity, so thankful this turn in my life happened, that I could learn and associate with the good people at my new school.  We see each other often, we're quite a tight group, and I know we'll spend lots of time post-graduation together, making a difference in other people's lives.

As I look back at my blog over the past 3 years, I've seen myself grow as a person, try different things, have strong opinions about others.  I see a kid just 3 years ago, with a newly found passion for certain things, some of them quite noble (like Veganism, etc.).  And I see a lot of learning that has happened in the time since.  I am grateful, even for that time, because it has shaped me, it has made me a better student and trainer having experienced and gone through all of that.  It's my life's full experience that I bring with me, into my new possible career path, and that's what makes the difference between having passion, and simply existing.

I pray for you, my friend, that you may find something in learning that will light a fire in your heart and soul, to carry you past all of your indecision and hardship, to push you forward to places you didn't think you could make it to, to never plateau.

Leaving

I've thought about my life a lot the past several weeks, deep rooted heavy thoughts.  What came out of all of that wrangling and hassle was something quite beautiful, something very simple and easy.  If my life ended right now, I would have a lived a full, happy, and blessed life.  It doesn't matter that I experienced hardships, sorrow, pain, disappointment, or whatever shred of negative energy you could throw my way.  I guess we all have that.  But, I experienced God, love, children, family, friendship, travel, success, and all of the other things that life had to offer.  Not sure if any of them mattered more than the other, just feel so blessed to even have a moment of it, to smile for a minute, to laugh for a minute, to cheer for a minute.  It was full, not sad.  It was complete, not unfinished.

I'm heading into some unknown territory health-wise, and being the logical person I am, I have taken as much precaution as possible, getting my things in order in case something catastrophic happens.  I am at peace knowing that everyone will be okay.  Now, the likelihood that anything at all will happen is extremely super-low, likely I'll be fine and live to see the next day, year, decade, etc.  But, just realizing there "could be" an end, makes you feel differently about things.

When my dad passed away nearly 16+ years ago, I was forever changed.  I didn't look at anything the same.  And I guess I may have forgotten that feeling as I've grown up since.  Something these last couple of months swayed me back into that mindset, to tell me to let go, and live life with passion and joy again, and not be held down by negative emotions or energy.  I'm glad I've rediscovered myself through this process, because what I found was the man I knew was always there, one with an open heart and soul, one that is a gift to others.

I am so happy now, and I have lots of people to thank.  My God, my family, my kids, my friends, and everyone else that has helped or touched me these past few years.  To be honest, I've been under a lot of stresses and things that were extremely difficult to cope with, things I didn't even have a clue how to work through.  But, now I'm at peace, happy with everything, just the way it is, no matter what it is, what state it's in, or it's intentions.  I'm at peace because I have been truly blessed to live my life, and I will continue to live it this way forever.